A Guide to Comprehensive Sex Education
Talking to your children about sex can be intimidating, but it’s necessary to give your kids a thorough sex education for both their mental and physical health. Below, we’ll discuss why, how, and when to talk to kids about sex.
Why Sex Education Matters
There are many common concerns that parents may experience when discussing sex education with their children. This includes:
- Not knowing when to start the conversation
- Fear that sex education will hasten sexual behavior
- Not knowing what to say
- Fear of embarrassing themselves or their children
While these concerns can feel overwhelming, it’s still necessary to give your children a comprehensive sex education. Without it, there are many potential risks that can occur.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, a lack of sex education can contribute to:
- Decreased use of condoms and other contraceptives
- Increased rates of STIs and unplanned pregnancies
- Increased rate of children turning to social media and their peers for information about sex
- Decreased rate of the understanding of consent prior to sexual behavior
So, while talking to your child about sex can seem scary or intimidating, it’s important to make sure they are educated well on the subject to avoid these potential risks.
Benefits of Sex Education
On the other hand, according to the AAP, youth who are exposed to comprehensive sex education can experience many benefits, such as demonstrating healthier sexual behaviors later in life. Benefits of sex education can include:
- Increased contraceptive use
- Lower rates of STD/STIs
- Decreased rates of unplanned adolescent pregnancy
- Delayed start to initiating sexual behaviors
Research has also shown that adolescents who receive sex education benefit socially, including lower rates of homophobic bullying and a better understanding of gender equality.
When to Talk to Kids About Sex
A common misconception that many parents have is that sex education has to occur all at once. In truth, sex education can begin with your kids at all kinds of ages, and it doesn’t have to all be explained at once. It’s important to begin sex education early, otherwise your children will consult the internet or their peers for less accurate information. Here, we’ll outline ways to initiate conversations about sex with your kids at different ages.
- Ages 6-8: At this age, your kids will have more questions and curiosity regarding physical development, puberty, and pregnancy. While they don’t need specific sexual information, use your best judgment to answer their questions with the knowledge they need. If your child asks where babies come from, refrain from mentioning ‘magic’ or ‘storks.’ Instead, give them the facts in an age-appropriate manner. This is also a good time to teach your children about puberty and body changes, including menstruation. This will prepare them to enter puberty as they age.
For example: If your child asks where babies come from, you can say, “Babies come from an organ called the uterus.” If they have more questions, you can follow up as necessary.
- Ages 9-12: When your kids become tweens, they may have more questions about sex. Even if they don’t, now is a good time to give more in-depth information about sex, how it works, and its role in pregnancy. It’s important to give your children the honest facts so that your children know you can be trusted and won’t look for the information elsewhere.
For example: If your child wants to know more about where babies come from and how sex works, you can say, “Babies are made when a penis and a vagina fit together, which is called sexual intercourse. Sperm leaves the penis and swims up the vagina to join the egg. This is how the egg becomes fertilized. In the uterus, a fertilized egg grows into a baby, and the baby is born nine months later.” If your child has follow-up questions, answer them factually.
- Teenagers and sex education: When your child becomes a teenager, they may become more interested in sex. At this time, it’s important to explain safe sex practices and sexual consent to them. (We’ll talk more in-depth about these topics later.) Teenagers may be embarrassed about this subject, leading them to seek counsel from peers or the internet, which can often have untrue information. It’s important to continue to have open conversations with your teenages to make sure they’re hearing the truth.
For example: You can tell your son or daughter that it’s best to use a condom when having sex. Tell them that it can reduce the risk of transferring STD/STIs and that it can help prevent an unplanned pregnancy. This is also a good time to reiterate what sexual consent is.
Building Healthy Relationships and Sexual Consent
Healthy relationships and sex go hand in hand, so it’s important that a comprehensive sex education covers more than just sexual behaviors. It should also include knowledge about building healthy relationships and what consent is.
A healthy relationship should be void of all forms of abuse, including verbal, physical, and emotional abuse. They should be built on a foundation of trust, honesty, and good communication. If your teenager is entering a relationship, make sure they know what defines a healthy relationship. Also, let them know what red flags to watch for (like any type of abuse, gaslighting, and other signs of a toxic relationship.)
Another aspect of sex education is sexual consent. This is defined as an active agreement between parties to participate in sexual activity. Consent cannot be given if a party is drunk or otherwise unaware, such as if one party is asleep. Sexual consent cannot be coerced or implied, and it can be taken away at any time.
It’s important that your children understand what consent is. This should begin at an early age. For example, let your children know that they cannot hug or touch others without their permission.
Safe Sex Practices
As your child ages, it’s important that they are educated on safe sex practices to avoid unplanned pregnancies and STIs/STDs. Giving your children a knowledgeable foundation will help them continue to practice safe sex as they graduate and head off to college or the workforce.
Primarily, No matter your child’s sexuality, it is important to inform them about different contraceptives and their effectiveness. Below, we discuss just a few of the options.
- Condoms: Condoms can be external or internal. According to Planned Parenthood, they are 98% effective if used every time one has sexual intercourse. Condoms can also reduce the risk of contracting STD/STIs.
- Oral contraceptive pills: Pills like these can stop ovulation and thicken cervical mucus to prevent sperm. If used perfectly, most contraceptive pills are 99% effective; however, according to Planned Parenthood, they are realistically 93% effective if pills are missed or forgotten.
- IUDs: With more than a 99% rate of preventing pregnancy, IUDs are one of the most effective contraceptives on the market. IUDs are inserted through the cervix and into the uterus by a doctor or nurse. IUD insertion can be expensive, but many health insurance plans can help.
Preventing STD/STIs
Without a comprehensive sex education, children can be at the risk of contracting Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) and Sexually Transmitted Illnesses (STIs). It’s important to teach your children how to avoid these illnesses to lower their risk of contracting them. Below, we’ll share a few ways to prevent STD/STIs:
- Use a condom: The easiest way to prevent these illnesses is to use a condom when having sexual intercourse. While not foolproof, they can significantly lower the chance of transmission.
- Use a dental dam: Dental dams can be used to prevent the spread of STD/STIs while performing oral or anal sex. This thin piece of latex prevents the spread of bodily fluids that carry STD/STIs.
- Practice good hygiene: Good hygiene can also prevent the spread of STD/STIs. Experts recommend washing or rinsing your genitals after every sexual encounter. It’s also important to wash your hands before and after sexual content. While this alone won’t prevent illness, it can reduce the risk of transferring bodily fluids.
- Get tested: Another way to prevent the spread of STD/STIs is to frequently get tested for any sexual illnesses. It’s important to be aware of your body and can prevent you from unknowingly spreading a disease to someone else. You can also ask your sexual partners to be tested to prevent transmission.
- Limit sexual partners: The more sexual partners one has, the higher chance there is of contracting a sexual illness. Limiting the amount of partners one has can help reduce the risk of illness, especially when also using condoms and getting tested regularly.
- Get available vaccines: While there isn’t a vaccine for every STD/STI, there are several that do, such as HPV and hepatitis A and B. You can ask your doctor for the necessary vaccines to limit your exposure to these illnesses.
Whether your child has or has not indicated that they are interested in or are practicing sexual behaviors, make them aware of STD/STIs and what they can do to prevent exposure.
Parents and Sex Education - Additional Resources
If you still aren’t feeling confident with talking to your child about sex, you can refer to some of the resources below for assistance.
- Planned Parenthood: Planned Parenthood has a wealth of information on birth control, sex education, and other resources about sex education for parents.
- American Academy of Pediatrics: The AAP can give you more information on the importance of sex education and the benefits that come with educating your children.
- American Sexual Health Association: This association has more information for parents who are seeking to give their children a comprehensive sex education. It offers insight on how to be an ‘askable’ parent.
Remember, while it can be intimidating, it’s important for parents to give their children a comprehensive sex education. By starting early and giving honest information, you can ensure your children are safe and well-informed about this topic in life.
