What is a Toxic Relationship?
A toxic relationship is characterized by behaviors of the toxic partner that may be emotionally and physically damaging. Toxic relationships may damage your self-esteem, drain you of energy, and are an unsafe place for your mental and physical well-being.
To dive deeper into what a toxic relationship is, you can view eight types of toxic relationships and the signs they exhibit.
Signs of a Toxic Relationship?
A relationship may start with toxicity, or it can develop over time. That’s why it’s important to be aware of unhealthy behavior and know what signs of a toxic relationship are. While there are different kinds of toxic relationships, many of them exhibit similar signs of toxicity:
● Control. A toxic partner will exhibit controlling behavior, such as controlling what their partner wears, who they see, what they do, and the decisions they make.
● Gaslighting. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that leaves the victim questioning reality. A toxic partner may gaslight you by denying their bad behavior, invalidating your feelings, or twisting the narrative of a situation.
● Jealousy. Extreme jealousy can be a sign of a toxic relationship. Your partner may be jealous if you talk to genders of the opposite sex in public, or in severe cases, they may be mad if you give a friend, family member, or hobby more attention.
● Isolation. Some toxic relationships might limit your contact with friends, family members, and anyone outside the relationship. This can cause you to lose your support group, which will make exiting the toxic relationship even more difficult.
● Guilt. A toxic partner will always shift blame onto the other, which can cause the victim to feel guilty and always at fault.
● Codependency. Toxic codependency occurs when the needs of one partner are consistently placed above the needs of the other. This can lead to one partner feeling responsible for the other’s emotional well-being, which could lead to physical and mental exhaustion.
Remember, nobody is perfect. At times, we will all exhibit feelings of jealousy, be hesitant to accept blame, and more. However, these instances should be mild and infrequent. If you notice these behaviors in extreme instances and if they occur frequently, that can be a sign of a toxic relationship.
Setting Boundaries With a Toxic Partner
To navigate a toxic relationship, it may be necessary to set strict boundaries with your partner. To effectively set boundaries, consider the steps below:
- Identify your needs. The first step to setting clear boundaries is identifying what you need. If you feel isolated from your friends or family, you may need a boundary that gives you more time and space to be with others outside of your relationship.
- Communicate your boundaries. After you’ve identified what you need, it’s time to communicate this to your partner. Stay clear and calm as you let your partner know what you need and what you expect from them.
- Enforce your boundaries. Sometimes boundaries can be crossed, either intentionally or unintentionally. If a boundary is broken, it’s important to address the issue and reinforce your boundaries. In some cases, you may need to set healthy consequences for when a boundary is broken.
Depending on your partner, these boundaries may be enough to control any toxic behaviors in your relationship. However, in many instances, it may be necessary to leave a toxic relationship for your mental and physical health.
Leaving a Toxic Relationship
In some cases, boundaries may not be enough, and it may become evident that you need to leave your toxic relationship. If you’re not sure how to break up with a toxic partner, consider the steps below:
- Build a support system. Before you leave your relationship, make sure you have a “safety net” in place. Make sure you have a network of family members and friends for emotional support.
- Make a plan. It’s important to have a detailed plan for how you decide to leave. Let your support system know you’re planning to exit the relationship. Also, depending on how dependent you were on your partner, ensure you have a place to stay, financial provisions, and other details ready foryour departure.
- Tell your partner. If possible, have an in-person conversation with your partner to express your feelings and let them know why you’re leaving. However, if they were abusive or could manipulate you into staying, it may be better to write them a letter or have a third party inform them. Remember to stay strong, be honest, and stand firm in your decision.
- Cut off contact. After leaving, it’s important to cut off all contact to ensure you don’t return to the relationship. Block your partner’s number and unfollow them on social media. This will set a clear boundary and help you to stop thinking of them.
Moving Forward after a Toxic Relationship
While leaving a toxic relationship can be done, it can also be emotionally draining. After exiting a relationship like this, it’s important to take care of yourself and move forward with your life. Here are a few tips to take while trying to move on:
- Invest in self-care. After leaving a toxic relationship, you need to invest in your mental and physical needs. Prioritize your physical health, by exercising and eating a nutritional diet, and your mental health, by getting enough sleep, engaging in activities that rejuvenate you, and more.
- Contact your support system. It’s okay to need support. After exiting a relationship, contact your friends, family members, and other trusted people in your life for emotional, mental, and physical support.
- Contact your support system. It’s okay to need support. After exiting a relationship, contact your friends, family members, and other trusted people in your life for emotional, mental, and physical support.
- Try out therapy. Toxic relationships can often take a toll on your mental health. Consider finding a licensed counselor to help you make this transition. They can help you unpack what occurred in your last relationship, help you recognize the warning signs of a toxic partner, and encourage you as you move on to a healthy relationship.
Moving forward isn’t always easy, but it can be done. Give yourself time, space, and grace as you handle this life development.
Signs of an Abusive Relationship
While all toxic relationships are unhealthy, some may be or become physically or emotionally abusive. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, just one or two of the below behaviors is a red flag that abuse is present in the relationship:
- Insulting or demeaning you, particularly in front of others
- Preventing or discouraging time with friends, family, or others outside of the relationship
- Showing extreme jealousy about friends or time spent outside the relationship
- Saying you never do anything right
- Taking complete control of household finances without agreement
- Preventing you from making personal decisions, even about school or work
- Pressuring sexual acts
- Pressuring drugs or alcohol
- Showing threatening looks or actions
- Threatening to harm/take away your children or pets
- Intimidating you with weapons, like guns, knives, etc.
- Destroying your belongings or home
Domestic violence doesn’t always look the same, so an abusive relationship could feature any combination of these signs. However, the underlying symptom of an abusive relationship is that the abusive partner will try to gain control or power over the other.
No one deserves to experience abuse or an abusive relationship for any reason. If you notice you are in an abusive relationship, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help.
Meet the Author
Ali Lemmons, BS, Summa Cum Laude
Ali Lemmons is a graduate of the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga where she earned a Bachelor of Science degree in Communication with a minor in computer science. While at UTC, Ali also earned the distinction of Summa Cum Laude, the Outstanding Senior Award for the communication department, and was inducted into the Kappa Tau Alpha honor society. Now, as editor/digital content specialist for CMC Publications and Digital Smart Marketing, Ali leads the ideation, conceptualization, and development of numerous health, wellness, and lifestyle articles published in print and online for HealthScope, CityScope, and Choose Chattanooga magazines – premier publications serving S.E. Tennessee and North Georgia. She also is the lead copywriter for the company’s social media sites.
