No relationship is perfect; however, there are certain aspects that distinguish healthy relationships from the unhealthy. Here, we’ll discuss what goes into healthy relationships and how partners can handle communication, conflict resolution, and boundaries in a healthy manner.
Healthy Relationships
According to the Cleveland Clinic, there are certain indicators of healthy relationships. Although not an exhaustive list, these characteristics can include:
- Respect – In healthy relationships, partners should respect each other. This includes respecting each other’s emotions, boundaries, and other aspects of personal lives.
- Trust – Partners should also trust each other. You should be able to trust each other during hard times, while making big decisions, and with your emotions.
- Communication – Arguably one of the most important indicators is communication. Each partner needs to be comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings but also willing to actively listen when it’s their partner’s turn to speak.
- Forgiveness – Holding grudges and feelings of bitterness does nothing good for a relationship. Partners should be able to work through issues and forgive each other.
- Commitment – In a healthy relationship, both partners should be willing to invest time, effort, and energy into the partnership and into each other.
- Partnership – Partnership in a healthy relationship can mean many things. Partners should enjoy time with each other while feeling comfortable being independent. Partners should be willing to make big decisions together while considering each other’s feelings, and each partner should be willing to compromise.
Communication in Relationships
One of the easiest ways to maintain a healthy relationship is to have open and honest communication. An open line of communication allows you to share who you are and what you need from your partner. By establishing healthy communication guidelines at the beginning of your relationship, you can avoid misunderstandings later.
According to the state of New York’s dating abuse and awareness initiative, there are many different areas in a relationship where you need to have good communication:
- Speaking – You should be up front and honest with your partner about what you think and how you feel. Try to use “I” statements to avoid placing blame on your partner.
- For example: Instead of saying “You never listen to me,” try saying “I feel like you don’t understand me when I voice my concerns.”
- Active listening – On the other side, you must be willing to actively listen to what your partner is saying. Pay attention to what your partner is telling you and get rid of any distractions (like your phone or the TV). Don’t interrupt your partner until they are done speaking or give you room to respond. Acknowledge how your partner is feeling, and if you need time to think, let them know.
- Body language – While talking with your partner, try to maintain a healthy body language. Avoid potentially hurtful actions like rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, and leaning away from them. Instead, face your partner, make eye contact with them, and show them you’re interested in what they have to say.
- Over digital devices – Talking over the phone or through text can make communication unnecessarily hard. If you and your partner need to have a hard or important conversation, try to do so in person. If you have to text or call, make sure to only focus on your conversation.
By following these guidelines early in your relationship, you can maintain proper communication and avoid unnecessary conflict with your partner.
Conflict Resolution in Relationships
No matter how healthy your relationship may be, conflict is bound to arise. However, it’s how you deal with this conflict that can make or break your relationship. According to National University, there are some conflict resolution tips you can implement to keep your relationship healthy:
- Express yourself – As we mentioned earlier, it’s important to be open and honest with your partner. Even in the midst of conflict, make sure to express what you think, how you are feeling, and what you need from your partner in a respectful manner.
- Avoid placing blame – Placing blame can quickly escalate even the smallest of arguments. If your partner has hurt or upset you, let them know in a respectful manner. Use the “I” statements mentioned earlier to facilitate a more productive conversation.
- Choose your battles – While there can be minor annoyances and stressors in a relationship, not every situation needs an argument. Remember that no one is perfect and try to have patience with your partner’s imperfections. If something continues to bother you consistently, then try to bring it up to your partner in a respectful manner.
- Ask helpful questions – Often, conflict can arise due to miscommunication or a lack of understanding. Try to use open-ended questions to facilitate a deeper conversation and work through any underlying issues.
- For example: Instead of trying to come up with a solution on your own, discuss solutions with your partner. Try asking “How can we resolve this issue in a way that meets both of our needs?”
- Compromise – Resolving conflict doesn’t mean that one partner gets their way all the time. In healthy relationships, each partner should be willing to compromise and find a middle ground that leaves both parties satisfied.
- Seek help if needed – Some conflicts may require professional advice from a neutral third party. There’s no shame in seeking help to improve your relationship! If you and your partner need conflict resolution tips or advice on specific arguments, try looking for a couples counselor.
Though conflict is unavoidable, these tips and tricks can help mitigate unnecessary conflict and resolve arguments in a helpful manner.
Trust and Respect in Relationships
Unfortunately, there’s no easy way to immediately build trust and respect in a relationship. Instead, it takes time, intimacy, and commitment to the process. While it may take time, it’s well worth the effort. Trust and respect can help facilitate these aspects of healthy relationships:
- Emotional intimacy – When both partners respect and trust each other, it can encourage them to grow closer emotionally. Emotional intimacy allows partners to feel safe and secure in the relationship.
- Individual growth – Just because you’re in a partnership doesn’t mean you can’t grow as individuals or experience independence. When a couple trusts each other, it allows both parties to meet their own goals, develop their own personal lives, and be the best versions of themselves.
Maintaining Boundaries in Relationships
In healthy relationships, it’s important to be clear about any physical, emotional, or other boundaries you may have. Healthy boundaries can help you maintain your sense of self in your relationship and encourage you and your partner to grow closer in a safe and respectful way.
- Set your boundaries – Though boundaries are best set at the beginning of a relationship, you can set them any time. Once you’ve evaluated your own emotions and needs, communicate with your partner what your boundaries are.
- For example: If you know you struggle with maintaining friendships in the early stages of a romantic relationship, you may want to set a time boundary with your partner. You may let your partner know that you don’t want to hang out more than two times per week.
- Enforce your boundaries – This is where ‘maintaining’ comes in. Sometimes, boundaries get crossed, whether intentionally or unintentionally. However, if a boundary is broken, it’s important to address it. First, restate your needs to your partner. Then, set healthy consequences for a broken boundary. (Remember, the consequences must be something that you’re willing to enforce.)
- For example: If the aforementioned time boundary is broken, reiterate to your partner that you only want to hang out two times per week to ensure you have time to invest in your friendships. Let them know that if they continue to try and break this boundary, you may need to take a break from hanging out.
- Revisit your boundaries, as needed – As your relationship matures, it’s perfectly healthy to revisit and rework some of your boundaries. If you do revisit them, make sure to clearly communicate to your partner why and how you’re changing an existing boundary.
- For example: Initially, you may have to set a time boundary to ensure you’re still investing in your relationship. However, as your relationship matures and gets more serious, you may be willing to commit more time. Have an open conversation with your partner, and let them know that you would feel comfortable hanging out three to four times per week.
Love Languages
An easy way to create intimacy and show love and respect in healthy relationships is by appealing to your partner’s love language. Created by Baptist minister Gary Chapman, there are five general ways that individuals both share and receive love:
- Quality time – Quality time is about intentional time spent together. This can include date nights, at-home hangouts, or even just running errands. However, quality time should usually be free of distractions, like phones and other screens.
- Physical touch – People with this love language prefer to receive affection in the forms of hugs, kisses, cuddling, holding hands, and other forms of physical intimacy.
- Acts of service – Acts of service involve doing things for your partner, specifically things that they would like or that relieve stress from them. This can include filling up the gas tank, brewing their morning cup of coffee, cooking them a meal, and more.
- Words of affirmation – People with this love language receive affection through compliments and verbal or written declarations of love. They love to hear things like “I’m so thankful for you,” or “You are so special to me!”
- Receiving gifts – A common misconception is that this love language is about extravagance or materialism. Instead, individuals with this love language appreciate the thought, love, and effort that goes into picking out a gift. Gifts can range from an expensive spa trip to a flower you picked from the side of the road.
If you want to find out your or your partner’s love language, you can take the free quiz on the The 5 Love Languages’ website.
