How Feelings Influence Well-Being
At some point in our lives, we’ve all let our emotions get the better of us or unintentionally overlooked the emotions of others. Whether navigating workplace conflict, negative self-talk, or strain on relationships, emotional distress can easily affect our physical and mental health. Emotional intelligence provides a framework for managing and responding to our emotions so we can more meaningfully make sense of ourselves and our relationships with others.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Emotional intelligence (also called emotional quotient or EQ) is a measure of how in tune you are with your emotions and the emotions of others. This framework was widely popularized by psychologist Daniel Goleman in his book Emotional Intelligence, published in 1995. Goleman outlines four ideas at the core of emotional intelligence:
- Self-Awareness: understanding your feelings and how they shape your perceptions, thoughts, and behaviors
- Self-Management: the ability to regulate and manage your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors
- Social Awareness: empathy; tuning in to the emotions, needs, and perspectives of others
- Relationship Management: the ability to effectively build relationships, communicate, and work with others
“The quality of our lives, both professionally and personally speaking, rests upon how well we manage the relationships we have with others,” says Keith Jones, a certified emotional intelligence instructor and co-CEO of EQ Bridge LLC. “At its core, emotional intelligence teaches a person how to become aware of their own emotional responses, how to manage those responses, how to read the emotional responses of others (social awareness), and how to utilize this knowledge in our relationships.”
Despite our best intentions, it’s all too easy to be overwhelmed by emotions, like at the end of a stressful day or stuck in rush-hour traffic, which can lead to shutting down or lashing out at others. By cultivating emotional intelligence, we can find ways to lower stress, improve decision-making, and connect more deeply with others. Research also finds that this is an advantage in the workplace, citing those with higher emotional intelligence tend to earn higher salaries than their peers with lower emotional intelligence.
Emotions & Physical Health
The way we experience and process emotions is linked to our physical and mental health. “Our bodies, minds, and emotions aren’t separate departments; they’re different floors of the same building,” says Lauren Hall, president and CEO of First Things First. Increased cortisol levels from chronic stress can lead to heart disease, digestive issues, and weakened immune function. Similarly, Hall points out that unprocessed trauma can manifest as chronic pain, fatigue, and autoimmune disorders.
“On the flip side, positive emotions – like gratitude, love, and joy – release oxytocin and dopamine, which enhance immune function and lower blood pressure,” she says. “This means that when we invest in our emotional well-being, we’re also investing in our physical and mental health.”
Learning how to process and understand emotions in a constructive way is beneficial to individuals at all stages of life, from children struggling with big feelings to adults coping with life’s challenges. “Emotions are like toddlers in the backseat of a car,” Hall adds. “Ignore them, and they’ll throw a fit; let them drive, and you’ll end up in a ditch. Understanding and managing our emotions helps us navigate life with clarity rather than chaos.”
Emotions & the Self
Every individual has an “emotional toolkit” with which they process feelings and the world around them. This toolkit is formed in early childhood in relationship to parents, guardians, teachers, and other influential community members. Graham Lovelady, therapist at Integrate Counseling, explains, “Our first emotional language, or literacy, is formed in our relationship with our caregivers. Before we have words, our brains learn to interpret emotions through facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language.”
Caregivers model emotional regulation to children. An individual that grew up in a home environment where emotions were validated and safely processed is more likely to have a strong foundation of emotional intelligence. On the other hand, a home environment where emotions are dismissed, punished, or unregulated can make it more difficult for a child to understand and regulate their own emotions later in life. “These affect regulation strategies tend to hold into adulthood and form the foundational map for how we learn to interact with our emotional world,” Lovelady says. “As Mr. Rogers used to say, ‘Someone smiled you into smiling, loved you into loving.’”
Although we enter adulthood with this foundational map, it is not set in stone. Through self-reflection, therapy, and intentional practice, we can formulate more constructive ways of processing and responding to emotions. This ability to alter our patterns is what scientists call neuroplasticity, or the brain’s capacity to continue growing and evolving in response to life experiences.
Emotions & Relationships
As we strengthen emotional intelligence by learning how to recognize, understand, and respond to our emotions, this skill extends to our relationships with friends, family, coworkers, and neighbors. Lovelady gives us a model for applying this to our daily interactions: “As adults, it is important for us to practice what I call presence: listening to others without fixing or trying to relate that back to myself. Can we imagine what the other person’s internal world might be like? Can I have compassion for them?”
Improved emotional intelligence also builds leadership skills, strengthening the health of a workplace, organization, or any group endeavor. Leaders with high emotional intelligence are able to interpret the non-verbal cues of those around them, looking past what is simply said aloud to recognize the genuine feelings a person is experiencing. Listening effectively to others is a crucial skill, Jones explains:
“Too often we spend our lives giving our opinions, our suggestions, and sharing our own stories. This is really true in those with low emotional intelligence. Our society does not effectively listen to one another. If we could learn to listen with true empathy, we could see a tremendous improvement in our relationships.”
Whether in personal or professional spheres, we will inevitably experience complex and sometimes difficult emotions. Ultimately, the goal is not to ignore these feelings, Lovelady reminds us. “At its core, emotional intelligence is not about suppressing emotions but learning how to engage with them in a way that promotes psychological flexibility. When we can sit with discomfort, reflect on our emotions rather than react to them, and be curious and compassionate with ourselves, our overall sense of well-being increases.”
Practice Presence:
Listen without fixing or trying to relate what they are saying back to yourself
Practice Presence:
Listen without fixing or trying to relate what they are saying back to yourself
Q&A With Experts
Absolutely everyone. I have personally trained high school students to senior citizens; from executives to homemakers. If you are in contact with another human being, emotional intelligence training will allow you to interact with those closest to you in a deeper, richer way. – Keith Jones
Self-awareness is fundamentally about adopting a posture of curiosity towards oneself. The goal is to be able to notice, not judge, our internal experience. We first have to be able to reflect before we react. Slowing down with meditation, mindfulness practices, journaling, and practicing curiosity are just some of the ways we can cultivate this inner curiosity. Questions like, “What am I feeling?”, “Where does this show up in my body?”, or “What is this emotion trying to say?” are all helpful starting points. – Graham Lovelady
Passing empathy to the next generation starts with modeling it. Kids don’t learn empathy from lectures; they learn it from watching us. When they see us treating others with kindness, apologizing when we’re wrong, and validating their emotions, they absorb those lessons. Storytelling is another powerful tool – reading books with characters who experience different emotions and challenges helps children build emotional intelligence. – Lauren Hall
It can be easy to take all this in and conclude that the goal is to always remain emotionally regulated, never flustered or overwhelmed. Nothing could be further from the truth! My hope is that we can all sense the invitation to slow down, simply notice, take a deep breath, and experience some curiosity about the present moment. We become more mentally flexible, resilient, and compassionate when we can do this – all of which keeps us grounded. – Graham Lovelady
Lauren Hall
President and CEO, First Things First
Keith Jones
Co-CEO, EQ Bridge LLC
Graham Lovelady
Therapist, Integrate Counseling
Meet the Author
Tory Irmeger, BA, English
Tory Irmeger graduated from Lee University with a Bachelor of Arts degree in English with an emphasis on creative writing. While at Lee, Tory served as head of copy for the school’s biannual publication Vindagua. Since joining CMC Publications as editor, Tory has led ideation, conceptualization, and development of numerous health, wellness, and lifestyle articles published in print and online for HealthScope, CityScope, and Choose Chattanooga magazines – premier publications serving S.E. Tennessee and North Georgia.
