Coaching Your Inner Voice
Our inner voices follow us everywhere we go. The one voice we are guaranteed to hear our whole lives is our own, so the way we talk to ourselves matters. When that voice starts to feel more foe than friend, it can be distressing and difficult to escape. Studies report that 80% of the approximately 6,000 thoughts we have each day are negative. When negative self-talk takes over this much of our time, it’s more important than ever to learn how negative self-talk sounds and how we can stomp it out.
While it is true everyone experiences negative self-talk from time to time, not everyone experiences it in the same way. It manifests differently from person to person, and this can make it especially tricky to recognize and combat. These different manifestations of negative self-talk are called cognitive distortions. Harvard Health Publishing explains that “cognitive distortions are internal mental filters or biases that increase our misery, fuel our anxiety, and make us feel bad about ourselves.”
Some common cognitive distortions include:
- Catastrophizing: believing a worst-case-scenario to be fated
- Filtering: seeing only the bad in a situation and ignoring the good
- Black-and-white thinking: thinking in extremes, unable to see any gray area
- Labeling: limiting yourself with restrictive labels
- Should-ing and must-ing: feeling an unhealthy pressure to act a certain way
After recognizing a cognitive distortion, it might seem like a daunting process to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. Some negative thoughts seem to spiral out of control. Positive thinking doesn’t come naturally for everyone, as it is a habit that takes time to nurture and develop. Fortunately, there are many easy techniques and practices that can help curb negative self-talk, allowing for new, positive thinking patterns to take root.
Get Curious
When negative self-talk takes over, you might be falsely led to believe your unpleasant thoughts and feelings are factually based. A great way to challenge rigid, emotional reasoning is to get curious and investigate alternative perspectives. For example, if you find yourself stuck in a pattern of black-and-white thinking, you may begin to find clarity by intentionally exploring the “gray area” in your situation.
Feel Your Feelings
If you are experiencing negative self-talk, it’s most likely impacting your emotions. Some people tend to push their emotions down as a coping mechanism. Other people feed their emotions until they feel wild and out of control. However, the best way to cope with negative feelings is to feel them — judgment free. Set aside time to observe the sensations that your emotions create in your body without trying to control or change them.
Say Affirmations
Self-affirmations work by reinforcing your core values and sense of self. Try choosing a few affirmations that resonate with your personal beliefs and identity, and repeat them to yourself whenever you get stuck in a loop of negative thoughts.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is all about refocusing on the present moment. When negative self-talk begins to distract you, draw your attention to your physical surroundings and focus on your five senses. What can you see? What do you hear? Notice the way you are holding your body. Take a few deep breaths. If you want to boost your mindfulness practice, try incorporating 10 to 15 minutes of meditation to your daily routine.
Find Support
Mindfulness is all about refocusing on the present moment. When negative self-talk begins to distract you, draw your attention to your physical surroundings and focus on your five senses. What can you see? What do you hear? Notice the way you are holding your body. Take a few deep breaths. If you want to boost your mindfulness practice, try incorporating 10 to 15 minutes of meditation to your daily routine.
