According to the Cleveland Clinic, an estimated 0.5 to 5% of people in the U.S. may be affected by narcissistic personality disorder. Typically, narcissism affects males more than females, and symptoms may begin to show in an individual’s teenage or young adult years.
Narcissists can be hard to diagnose as their inflated sense of self-importance may prevent them from addressing their symptoms or seeking professional help. In this article, we’ll discuss how to recognize narcissism and the treatment options available.
Defining Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Narcissism, or Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), is a mental health condition in which individuals have an inflated view of their own importance, identity, and self-worth. Narcissism is more severe than typical arrogance, and it can cause narcissists to negatively treat those around them.
Narcissistic Traits
According to the Mayo Clinic, there can be many signs that someone has NPD. Narcissists may:
- Have an unreasonably high sense of self-importance
- Crave constant attention and admiration
- Look down on others they consider less important
- Not recognize others’ needs or feelings
Narcissists may also struggle with criticism or not getting their way. These traits may include:
- Avoiding situations where they might fail
- Growing angry when they don’t receive special treatment
- Feeling sad when they fall short of perfection
- Having secret feelings of self-doubt, humiliation, or being a failure
Different Kinds of Narcissism
Because NPD has such a wide, extensive list of symptoms, there can be two different kinds of narcissism: overt narcissism and covert narcissism.
- Overt narcissism: An overt narcissist may embody narcissistic traits in an extroverted and bold way. They may be overly assertive and can become aggressive, and these behaviors are usually recognizable to those around them.
- Covert narcissism: Covert narcissists, on the other hand, are characterized by more introverted traits, and the signs of their condition may be hidden. They may be passive-aggressive and seek attention and praise in more subtle ways.
While covert narcissism may be harder to identify since these individuals tend to keep their symptoms hidden, it can be just as damaging to those who experience it.
Recognizing a Covert Narcissist
While covert narcissists have many of the same traits as overt narcissists, some of their symptoms may present differently. According to the Cleveland Clinic, these characteristics may include:
- Self-deprecation: While many people struggle with low self-esteem and negative self-talk, covert narcissists may use self-deprecation to elicit compliments and praise from others.
- Sensitivity to criticism: While no narcissist likes criticism, covert narcissists will get extremely defensive when presented with critiques. In some cases, they’ll respond with back-handed compliments and subtle insults in retaliation.
- Dealing with mental health: Anxiety and depression can commonly affect covert narcissists. They may suppress these negative emotions, or in some cases, they may use it to their advantage to elicit sympathy from others.
- Difficulty fitting in: Because narcissists usually have a lack of empathy, they may have trouble fitting in with those around them. They may disregard others’ needs and wants, hide their true selves, and develop shallower relationships.
How to Treat NPD
One of the most popular treatments for NPD is psychotherapy, or talk therapy. Psychotherapy can help a narcissist learn how to:
- Relate to others and build deeper, healthier relationships
- Handle criticism from others
- Regulate their self-esteem
- Set realistic, achievable goals for themselves
In some instances, individuals with narcissism may benefit from including their friends, family, or partners in their psychotherapy sessions to help better their relationships. Medication may be necessary, in addition to talk therapy, for individuals who also struggle with anxiety and depression.
If you need support while dealing with NPD, or with a friend or family member with NPD, consider getting in touch with a licensed counselor.
What Causes Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
According to the Cleveland Clinic, it is still uncertain what causes individuals to develop NPD. There are a few factors that NPD may be linked to:
- Genetic factors. NPD may be genetically linked, and individuals with NPD are likely have parents or other close relatives with the disorder.
- Bad childhood experiences. Negative aspects in upbringing, like trauma, abuse, and neglect, may contribute to narcissistic tendencies in individuals.
- Different parenting styles. Both neglectful and overbearing parenting may cause a child to develop narcissistic tendencies later in life.
How to Respond to a Loved One with NPD
Whether you’re dealing with a partner, family member, friend, or coworker, dealing with individuals with narcissistic tendencies can leave you drained, frustrated, and upset. If you’re struggling to handle a relationship like this, keep in mind the following guidelines when responding to the individual:
- Set and enforce your boundaries. Because it can be hard to get an individual with NPD to change their behaviors, it’s important to set clear boundaries about their behaviors that are unacceptable to you. Make sure to communicate your boundaries clearly, and make sure to enforce them if a boundary is crossed.
- Stay calm. Sometimes, individuals with NPD may be looking to provoke an emotional reaction out of you. Try to stay calm, clear, and composed during interactions to avoid giving them control over your emotions.
- Write things down. Sometimes, individuals with narcissistic tendencies will resort to gaslighting or other forms of manipulation to control a situation. Try to get things in writing, like through email or text, so that you have proof of what has been communicated.
- Take care of your mental health. It can be emotionally draining to have a relationship with someone who has NPD. While you’re enforcing boundaries and staying calm, make sure you have a safe support system, and don’t be afraid to contact a licensed counselor for further support.
- Boost your self-esteem. Narcissists may verbally attack you to feel control in the relationship. Make sure to engage in positive self-talk, self-care, and other supportive activities to build resilience to their behaviors. A higher self-esteem can also help you as you set boundaries, remain calm, and try to advocate for yourself in the relationship.
In some cases, it may be best for your mental and physical health to leave an unhealthy or toxic relationship. While there’s no specific answer for when to cut off a relationship, there may be signs pointing to this reality. It may be best to leave the relationship if:
- There’s abuse. If your relationship is mentally, physically, or emotionally abusive, it’s time to leave the relationship behind.
- There’s a severe negative impact on your life. If you’ve noticed your mental health, self-esteem, or emotional wellbeing being severely affected, it may be time to leave the relationship to better your quality of life.
- There’s never change. If your boundaries are consistently broken, change is always promised but never completed, or the individual refuses to seek help, it may be time to move on from the relationship.
While ending toxic relationships is never easy, it may be necessary for your mental health and overall quality of life. While you go through this process, make sure to seek advice from a trusted support system and consult professional help if needed.
Resources to Help You Recognize and Respond to Narcissists
- It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People (Audiobook)
- The Covert Narcissist: Recognizing the Most Dangerous Subtle Form of Narcissism and Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships
- Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers
- In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
Meet the Author
Ali Lemmons, BS, Summa Cum Laude
Ali Lemmons is a graduate of the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga where she earned a Bachelor of Science degree in Communication with a minor in computer science. While at UTC, Ali also earned the distinction of Summa Cum Laude, the Outstanding Senior Award for the communication department, and was inducted into the Kappa Tau Alpha honor society. Now, as editor/digital content specialist for CMC Publications and Digital Smart Marketing, Ali leads the ideation, conceptualization, and development of numerous health, wellness, and lifestyle articles published in print and online for HealthScope, CityScope, and Choose Chattanooga magazines – premier publications serving S.E. Tennessee and North Georgia. She also is the lead copywriter for the company’s social media sites.
