When you are in a toxic relationship, you often adopt coping mechanisms or survival tactics. These are ways that you try to prevent your partner’s toxic behavior and avoid arguments. They are also methods that people use to deal with the mental turmoil that they are put through by their toxic partner.
Even after leaving the relationship, these behaviors often stick and they can be very damaging to you. So, it’s important that you un-learn these coping mechanisms if you want to heal from a toxic relationship and move forward. The problem is, a lot of people don’t realize that they are carrying these behaviors forward. These are some of the unhealthy coping mechanisms you need to watch out for after leaving a toxic relationship.
Saying Sorry All Of The Time
One of the most common coping mechanisms for dealing with a toxic relationship is always saying sorry. In fact, some people have often been told to say sorry by their partners as a form of punishment or as a way to hide more insults. Saying sorry after every argument was something you were taught as a way to avoid being blamed for things going wrong, even when they weren’t your fault. Often, this carries on after the relationship is over and people find themselves taking responsibility for everything. This can be a hard habit to break, but you need to pay attention to this when you do it and try to stop.
Substance Abuse Problems
If you were in a toxic relationship, you may have turned to substance abuse as an escape or as another way of dealing with the emotional pain. This is something that many people do and it’s so hard to see what’s going on if you are a part of a toxic relationship. Once you understand how substances impact mental illness and the circular link between substance abuse and mental health, it’s easy to see how somebody in a toxic relationship could find themselves in this position. If you are concerned about a reliance on alcohol or drugs, it’s vital that you seek help right away.
Using money as a means of control is a common tactic that abusers use. This often leaves people with a skewed view of money after they leave a toxic relationship. When they were in the relationship, they rationed their money because they only had access to a small amount and they worried about arguments if they needed more money. However, after they leave the relationship, some people carry this trait on for a lot longer. They are trying to stick to their small budget because it’s all they think they can afford. But, if you have extra money coming in or more savings than you realize, you need to allow yourself some leeway so that you are not constantly stressing about money.
Lying About Your Feelings
There are a lot of reasons that people lie about their feelings. They may have been made out to be a liar or they were taught to hide the truth from their partners. If you were in a toxic relationship, it’s likely that you felt unable to express your emotions for fear of being vilified and blamed for everything going wrong – but this can be just as damaging. After you leave the relationship, it’s vital that you try to communicate honestly with your friends and family.
The healing process takes a long time and some of these coping mechanisms will stick for a while. But once you are more aware of them, it is easier to stop them.